Guest Post: Why Self Love is Far From Selfish 

AerialFit • Feb 23, 2018

We're closing out #SelfLoveFebruary with a guest post from Hollie, reminding us that prioritising yourself is anything but selfish, and really - is essential! Hollie has been a member here at AerialFit since the start of this year, and she's already shining her light in every class she's in!

Show Hollie some love by checking out her website, where you can learn more about holistic wellness, and book in some one-on-one coaching.



"I just woke up from a 12 hour sleep. It is 10am on a Monday, and I can’t even tell you how amazing it felt to sleep in. After waking up, I made myself a delicious smoothie bowl, sat and ate it in the sun, ran myself a hot bath and am just now sitting down in front of my laptop with a herbal tea and essential oils diffusing. Do I feel guilty about not starting my working day until 12pm? Hell no, I feel freaking awesome!

It has taken me a long time to stop feeling guilty about putting myself first. I am a reformed people-pleaser and conflict-avoider. One of those people that just likes everyone else to feel happy and comfortable – even if that meant putting my own health and sanity as secondary to everybody else.

And this isn’t a rare phenomenon. I see it all the time with my beautiful clients too. Doing everything they can to keep their family, friends and partners happy – but when it comes to their own happiness, feeling guilty for even considering putting themselves first.

It is time for this to stop.

How can we possibly be the best friend, partner, parent, son/daughter and sibling if we are not the healthiest, happiest and best version of ourself?

And how can we be the healthiest, happiest and best version of ourself when we feel bad about saying ‘no’ to people, feeling like we are letting them down – but having no concern when it comes to letting OURSELVES down.

Every time we say ‘yes’ to something when deep down we really want to be saying no, we are telling ourselves subliminally that we are not good enough. And we all do it – you are invited to a social event, with all of your favourite people, but you have had a seriously full week and would prefer to stay in. But you don’t want to say that to your friends as you will feel bad or like you are letting them down. So you say yes, go along and the entire night you are only half there because there is a huge part of you waiting for that minute you can bail and go home to bed.

Sound familiar?

I received a message last week from a beautiful woman experiencing just this. She knows that in order for her to really improve her health and wellbeing (both physical and mental) she has to start saying no to things, and prioritise rest. What she got back from her friends was that she was acting selfish for putting herself first.

If wanting to be the healthiest and happiest version of yourself is really ‘selfish’ then sign me up! But I genuinely think it is the most selfless thing you can do for yourself.

My beautiful friend Melissa Ambrosini says this all the time, and it is a lesson I remind myself and my clients every single day:

IF IT’S NOT A HELL YES, IT’S A NO!

Learn to say no without guilt. Easier said than done, right? But trust me when I say that the more you practice this, the easier it will become. And your loved ones will understand!

Put yourself first. If you would rather sleep for an extra couple of hours because your body just needs it, then sleep. And enjoy the sleep. This is no time for guilt. OWN that you are putting your health and happiness first.

Notice any time you are saying yes to someone or something because you feel like you SHOULD rather than genuinely WANTING TO. There is a big difference. Start to slowly condense the ‘shoulds’ in your life and notice how much space opens up for you.

Space for rest, play and love. Space for sleep, relaxation and movement. Or space to go out and be social if that is what you genuinely WANT to do.

Think about one thing you have planned this week that you have said ‘yes’ to when deep down, you know you should have said no to. Let that sink in. And next time something similar pops up, you know what to do."

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